


How Can I Live when I was Supposed to Die?

by HuesofChrysanthemum



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Harry is a few inches taller than Draco because that's how I like my Drarry (or Harco), Hurt Draco Malfoy, Kisses, M/M, Protective Harry Potter, i can say that this is (very) sad, lots of kisses, the ron/hermione is just one sentence or 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25496596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuesofChrysanthemum/pseuds/HuesofChrysanthemum
Summary: As Harry observes himself and his friends, he was glad to notice that everyone was slowly healing from the war. When a certain Slytherin crossed his mind, he began to wonder. Malfoy was a death eater who returned for their 7th year. Everyone was terrified or even disgusted at the sight of him every time he walks in the room.How had Malfoy been coping at all?So Harry decided to follow Malfoy one night, much like what he did during their 6th year, and when he spotted him near the Gryffindor tower, he didn't like what he saw.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 11
Kudos: 223





	How Can I Live when I was Supposed to Die?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic ever! So please go easy on me hehe... I just started writing because this couple is too cute to resist!
> 
> Have fun reading!

Harry stared at a distance, not minding the celebration occurring before him.

He was seated in the dining hall, where Hogwarts was celebrating their– Harry's victory in defeating Voldemort the previous year.

Headmaster McGonagall had already called out his name and received all of the students’ attention and claps of admiration and gratefulness, which he accepted sheepishly while bowing his head to eyes that he meets. But all of those are over once the trays of food started to appear on the table.

Most students enjoyed the celebration but Harry definitely didn't. Especially when his friends are not even here celebrating. Hermione was beside him though, trying to get his attention that she finally got when she lightly shook him by the shoulder. "Harry."

Harry's eyes widened a little as he snapped out from his thoughts. "Yes, Mione?"

"I need to go now. You know how hard it is for Ron and Ginny as this was also the exact day that Fred had died. They haven't... Accepted it yet," Hermione said as she looked down the floor. This wasn't easy for her too but she had to be strong. "Are you coming?" She met Harry's eyes again.

Harry just smiled– a wistful and pained smile. "I think I need some time to think alone for a while, Mione. I'll catch up later."

Hermione reflected back his smile at him and rose up to leave.

Harry sighed and went back to his thoughts but _green_ caught his eye from afar. Slytherin robes. Only few. Few who had returned.

He thought about the Slytherins, one specific Slytherin to be exact- _Malfoy_.

Malfoy had returned to retake his 7th year just like the many of them. Although he wasn't really that Malfoy-prat everyone knew anymore. He was mostly silent in classes, trying to finish whatever task the professor ordered them to do. He kept a low profile to everyone and didn't dare to meet other students' gazes, even his Slytherin friends.

Everyone also ignored and avoided him. No one mocked him out loud but he hears it, the whispers every time he arrives in the dining hall, walk in the hallway, or attend his classes. He literally heard the whispers everywhere. _"Why did the headmaster even allow a former death eater like him in the school?" "Why's he even studying here at Hogwarts? With his background, no job would certainly want to hire him even if he has good grades." "He should rot with his father in Azkaban!"_ But he shrugged them all off and maintained his façade.

Harry hears the whispers too and decided that maybe Malfoy deserved it after all for being such a prat. Or for allowing death eaters inside the castle and killing Dumbledore but... _But_.

Harry struggled to look for the certain Slytherin in mind but he was nowhere to be found.

Of course! Why did he even think that Malfoy would attend the celebration?

Having deafened by the chatters and not being able to concentrate on his thoughts, Harry stood up and left the dining hall. The headmaster eyed him with worry but said nothing.

Harry stopped on his tracks when he's finally out of sight. He lets out a breath he didn't remember holding. Why did it feel like they lost even though Voldemort is long gone?

It's because he had taken so much from them that will scar permanently. All of their hearts and minds have been scarred from the battle. Voldemort will live inside their heads and never leave them, torturing and haunting them with their memories forever.

Harry made his way to the Gryffindor tower when he saw a certain blond from his periphery. It was Malfoy. What was he doing here when the Slytherin tower is not even nearby?

Harry, upon curiosity, followed Malfoy, making sure he wasn't seen.

Harry stopped when he realized that Malfoy was just going to the lavatory. But why did he need to take all this way when there's one located near the Slytherin tower?

Harry decided to just take a small peek and try to know what's going on. For all he knows, maybe Malfoy really just wanted to piss here peacefully.

Harry had now plenty of speculations running inside his head with what Malfoy's expression would be. _"What the hell are you doing here, Potter?!"_

But then he wasn't that Malfoy anymore so maybe– just maybe– he might receive a much calmer reaction. He could also just tell him that this lavatory was the nearest from the Gryffindor tower. That would give him a way out.

Harry, with his back pressed on the wall just before the opened door, sighed and slowly dipped his head to the left. He saw no one so he decided to walk into the room and stopped on his tracks when he finally saw the blond huddled in the very far corner, scratching something on his arm to the point that it bled. He was saying something– like a chant– but it was only an almost-inaudible-litany of _goawaygoawaygoaway_. His eyes looking at his mark as if it's the most disgusting thing he had seen.

Harry, without saying a word but quickly rising to action, immediately seized both of Malfoy's wrists, prying his arms away from each other.

Malfoy tried so hard to bring his nails to the mark again but failed to do so with Harry's strong grip. "He... He... I… I can't let him out of my head..." He whimpered and drew in a shaky breath.

Upon hearing this, Harry’s hold on him slackened and he realized that the blond had been trembling.

"I.. I thought if I could remove the mark... He might disappear..." Tears threatened to pour from his pair of blue eyes that was staring at a distance- and not at Harry.

Harry didn't know what to say. He tried to think of something but... Sometimes, he just wasn't good with words.

It almost felt like a whole hour of silence when Harry finally realized that Malfoy was now staring at him. Malfoy's eyes widened before growling, "What the hell are you doing, Potter?!"

So he was right. This was the reaction he'd receive.

Malfoy quickly pushed Harry away from him and jerked upwards.

Harry, eyeing the other figure in the room, slowly stood up from where he landed on his torso when Malfoy had pushed him. "What were you doing, Malfoy?" He didn’t sound mad, he didn’t sound curious, he sounded stern.

Malfoy gritted his teeth, annoyed at the typical Gryffindor bravado. He whispered a random spell that made the blood disappear before pushing his sleeve down to his wrist. "I don't see why you should concern yourself, Potter," he said, nearly spitting his name out.

"Why shouldn't I?”

"And tell me why you should care for a death eater?" His tone was insulting but he wasn't really insulting Harry this moment.

"That doesn't mean anything anymore, Malfoy. I'm just... Worried. You have to stop doing that." Harry looked at him in the eye with a little scowl.

For a moment, Malfoy was silent. He then rolled his eyes and huffed. Looking back at Harry, he said, "You and your heroic self. I can just see it in the headline of the Daily Prophet. _The Renowned Hero of the Wizarding World Suddenly Concerned about a Pathetic Death Eater_ Fuck off, Potter.” He made his way to leave and just as he was about to go past Harry, his arm, where his mark wasn’t, was suddenly pulled back abruptly and he was facing Harry again. “What now, Potter?!” He snarled but he found himself wincing when Harry tightened his hand on his arm. There weren’t any injuries there, really, his skin was just skinny that he was afraid Harry might crush his bones.

Harry quickly loosened his hold on Malfoy when he saw his reaction. Malfoy looked away as he was embarrassed by the subtle weakness that just left his face. Harry stayed silent.

“If you’re not going to say anything, let go of me.” Malfoy didn’t sound angry. He just sounded like he wanted to be out of this situation and never see Harry again.

Harry cleared his throat silently. “Stop doing that. I’m… worried.” He doesn’t really know why he keeps telling the other that he was worried. He doesn’t even have any idea why he was doing this and that made it harder for him to express himself in words.

Malfoy said nothing and he pulled his arm away to leave.

Harry quietly returned to the Gryffindor tower and was greeted by the warm site of Ron and Ginny slowly breaking away from their shared hug. Ginny wept a faint tear from her eyes before catching Harry’s eyes and smiling. Harry smiled back at Ginny, offered Ron a quick hug and settled down beside Hermione who was seated on one of the couches.

“Where did you go?” Hermione inquired. Harry just shook his head as an answer.

Ron and Ginny settled down on the couches near them. “Mum’s invited us over during the break next week. Will you join us, Harry?” It was Ginny who spoke.

Before Harry could answer, Ron interrupted him, “Of course, he would. Right, mate?” He then smiled at him.

Harry smiled back and nodded. “Of course.”

“He most certainly will, Ginny. He has to. He’s bound to the Weasleys for the rest of his life just like I am.” Hermione declared then let out a small laugh.

Both Harry and Ginny laughed with Hermione but Ron, upon seeing his girlfriend look so happy, so lovely, and so delicate like this made his heart flutter. Instead of a laugh, he let out an awkward smile.

It was these moments that made him live on with a smile without fully succumbing to the sufferings that tortured him in his head. He had friends from the start, friends who are willing to be there for him anytime he needed them. In return, he’ll be there for them if they needed him. These moments were probably their only weapon to defeating the demons tainting their supposed-to-be-peaceful thoughts, whispering to their ears relentlessly _you weren’t good enough_.

As he was ready to sleep, Harry’s thoughts had dominated him once more. His thoughts flashing back to Malfoy’s bleeding arm as he scratched on it _goawaygoawaygoaway_. How had Malfoy been coping? Malfoy was not the type to rely on his friends for anything. He’d rather boss them around and made them his company wherever he went. He wasn’t really the type to be emotional either, considering he had shut everyone away from him completely during their 6th year when…

Harry’s eyes opened wide when he realized something. His thoughts suddenly flashed back to Malfoy seated at the very corner of the room during classes with no one daring to come near him, when he had to shut everyone off even though the whispers were very deafening, when he tried to talk to one of the Slytherins in their first day to ask something but got yells and insults thrown at him instead of answers…. Then finally, Harry’s thoughts went back once more to the blood slowly dropping down from an injured arm and at the site of Malfoy’s face in despair as he said, _"I.. I thought if I could remove the mark... He might disappear..."_

What if Malfoy hadn’t been coping at all?

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

The next day, Harry found himself going back to the same lavatory he was in the previous day. To his disappointment, it was empty. As he walked back to his room in the Gryffindor tower and tried to sleep or tried to get Malfoy out of his mind, he saw a familiar parchment peaking from his bedside table.

The Marauder’s map.

Harry hadn’t opened it ever since Fred d– his battle with Voldemort. He didn’t want to but slowly reaching over the pale parchment and pulling it into his grasp, and with his wand, he whispered, “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” The map then started revealing the entire Hogwarts and Harry didn’t miss the name _Draco Malfoy_ on the map at the… Astronomy Tower.

What was he doing there?

Hurrying up to his feet, he felt relieved to find his roommates sound asleep. He made sure to bring his invisibility cloak to prevent inquiries as to where he was going.

Harry hasn’t even got all the way up to the top of the astronomy tower when he heard someone crying. He quickly took his cloak off together with the map and rushed to the top of the staircase to see Malfoy on the floor hugging his knees with his chin resting on them as he sobbed and whimpered.

Harry remembered the way he saw Malfoy yesterday, full of blood, hatred, and fear. He wanted nothing then but to stop and kill his nightmares just to make him feel better. If only he could kill someone who’s already dead, he'd kill Voldemort again for making this boy in front of him suffer. Now, upon seeing him at such a vulnerable and weakened state, Harry wanted to do nothing more but to wrap his arms around the other boy’s body and cradle him in his arms, sheltering him from the entire world and never letting him out of his hold again.

Harry knelt beside Malfoy’s curled form and he slowly did what he just thought of. He wrapped his arm around the Slytherin and pulled him into his chest. Said Slytherin started to struggle and thrash weakly but the other’s hold on him was firm and unrelenting.

Harry let his hand card through the silver blonde’s hair, stroking the smooth locks gently.

Having felt the action, Malfoy clutched onto Harry’s sides as he crushed his face onto the Gryffindor’s chest. He allowed himself to sob harder.

“Shh, it’s all right. I’m here now. I’ll protect you,” Harry managed to say. His hand went from caressing Malfoy’s hair to cupping his cheek, wiping the tears away. Green eyes met blue ones and Harry can’t help but to press a loving kiss on his forehead.

For a moment, Malfoy felt safe, contented, and loved. But those feelings were all gone when he mustered up enough force to shove the Gryffindor off of him. “Get off of me, Potter!” He screamed and tried to sound angry but his voice sounded rasp and desperate for more attention.

“Draco,” Harry started. “What’s wrong? If it’s about Voldemort I can he–“

“Don’t! Say his name!” Draco actually pressed his palms hardly on his ears.

Harry didn’t want to see Draco suffer any longer. He tried to move toward him, to touch him, to hold him, to protect him but Draco backed out when he saw him coming.

“Will you just _please_ leave?!” Draco had screamed again, his voice raspy and tired.

“Draco, if you le-“

“ _Please._ ”

Harry stopped trying to reach out. Maybe he was pushing too much. Maybe he should just leave and let Draco be.

“If you really want to…” Harry was lost. He didn’t want to leave Draco like that. He wanted to take him and place him into his care but he didn’t force on it any longer. “I’ll go…”

Draco made no sign of acknowledgement so Harry just left, unwillingly.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Harry continued to check on the Marauder’s map to locate where Draco was. It was clear that Draco didn’t appreciate him finding where he is all of the time. They didn’t really do anything but talk. Harry did most of the talking while Draco hesitantly replied to his questions.

Draco had tried though, tried to hide from Harry every time. First, he decided to go to the neglected, and pretty much abandoned room near the Ravenclaws; Second, he went to one of their classrooms in Potions. Third, he even went to the girl’s lavatory where Moaning Myrtle is upon knowing no one uses it anymore. How Draco can go to these places without being noticed, Harry doesn’t know.

Draco had also stopped openly showing up his emotions ever since their second encounter at the Astronomy tower. He would just scowl and look in disdain the whole time but by their fourth encounter, which was tonight, his look softened. His eyes half-lidded as his silver blond hair covered half of his eyelids. He had his head leaning against the wall as he was seated in the corner.

Harry sat beside him with cross legs. The last three days seemed to have consumed every topic he could bring out so he eagerly scrambled his head to think of a new one.

“It was here.”

Harry quickly looked at Draco upon hearing his words. Draco had never actually spoke to him first and willingly like this. “Here?”

“I wonder what would happen if I trusted Dumbledore? That he’d save me and my family from… him. I wonder if he didn’t die… Would I be less miserable then?”

“You’re not miserable, Draco.”

Draco let out a small laugh that almost sounded like a huff. “Yeah, right.” He didn’t want to be with Harry today so he abruptly stood up but his vision threatened to turn black. He would have fallen over if it weren’t for Harry’s strong arms that were suddenly around him. One around his waist and the other around his shoulders.

Draco felt warm being embraced like this. He didn’t want this to end. He didn’t want to go back to the terrifying world always waiting to torment him and leave him dead. That’s why he almost whimpered when Harry moved, afraid he might go away, but he found himself being pushed against the wall.

Draco opened his eyes he didn’t remember closing. He met a pair of affectionate green eyes looking lovingly at his blue ones. He felt an arm disappear from his shoulder to brush his sweaty hair to the side. Wet chapped lips pressed on his forehead and the arm around his waist tightened.

Draco’s arms shivered from where they were placed between their pressed bodies and his hands on each side of Harry’s shoulders. When Harry pulled back, he brought his thumb to his cheek to slowly wipe the tear away that had unknowingly poured down.

Draco squeezed his eyes shut again, unable to stare at those green eyes any longer. He wasn’t sure how to react anymore. Would Harry make him feel safe and protected today and leave him vulnerable and defenseless tomorrow? Will he leave him too after forcing his way into his life? Why was Harry even being nice to him? Is he planning something? Did he want to humiliate Draco and expose him of his vulnerable traits?

No, Harry wouldn’t do that.

Draco forced himself to believe even though his mind is not with it. He doesn’t know why he is receiving this kind of treatment if he didn’t deserve it. A pathetic death eater like him should rot in Azkaban as the other students kept on saying. He didn’t expect to receive this kind of attention; and he never expected for it to come from Harry, the boy who received nothing from him but mocks and insults. He also didn’t expect it when he felt lips on his own.

Draco’s breath hitched and his eyes snapped open. Harry’s eyes were closed and the hand on his wet cheek earlier is now caressing his hair from behind. How Harry caressed his hair is so light he might have mistaken Draco for a fragile and brittle glass that can break easily if not handled with genuine care.

Draco didn’t find it in him to struggle, to flail, and to remove Harry from him this instant. He didn’t think of yelling at Harry curses that he previously felt so natural to do. He wasn’t sure if it’s because he felt so frail at the moment or is it because he actually yearned for it?

The kiss wasn’t forceful or dominating at all. It was slow and gentle with Harry’s lips trying to figure out what to do with Draco’s before licking and nibbling his lower lip. Harry’s arm went to join his other arm around Draco’s waist to further press their bodies together and eventually sucking at the other’s lower lip.

Draco let out a soft moan and feebly tried to push Harry away.

Draco saw shock, guilt, and sadness on Harry’s eyes when it opened. They had parted abruptly from the kiss but Harry’s arms remained around his waist, although a bit slack now compared to before.

“What was that?” Draco managed to find the strength to ask. He didn’t know why he was suddenly catching his breath and why he felt so exhausted and dizzy at the same time.

“I uh..” Harry’s green eyes looked down and away from Draco’s blue ones. “I.. care for you.”

Draco let out a smile with a small laugh that made Harry’s heart flutter. “Tell me, Potter, do you usually kiss Granger and tell her you care for her?”

Harry smiled managing to find back his confidence as he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Draco’s. “Well, you caught me. I love you then.”

Draco’s eyes widened and he felt his heart miss a beat. He willed himself to stay inside the strong and protective embrace for a moment. He let himself feel and experience this proximity with Harry for a longer moment before finally speaking up, “I’m tired. Can I go back to my room?”

Harry leaned back. He seemed reluctant to let go of the man in front of him. “Are you sure? Can you walk there alone?”

“Yes. I was able of doing so even before you started barging into my life.” There was no hint of anger in Draco’s tone. He was rather calm when he said that.

Slowly, he released Draco and took a step back. Draco had to mask his expression due to the feeling of fear when those strong and protective arms are now gone. He looked up at Harry. “Same time tomorrow?”

Harry smiled. “Of course.”

Draco held Harry’s wrist with his trembling hand. “Don’t be late okay? Search for me even if I can’t be searched.”

Harry’s eyebrows furrowed at the statement but he nodded anyway. “I will always search for you.”

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

“Where have you been going, mate?”

Harry looked at Ron incredulously. “What do you mean?”

“You always go back here at around 2 in the morning. Tell me, does the headmaster need something from you again?” Ron leaned in and intently looked at Harry.

“I was in the bathroom keeping Moaning Myrtle company.”

This made the two boys laugh.

“Seriously, Harry. Where?”

Harry just shook his head and went back to his bed. “I’ll tell you next time.”

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+

Harry looked confused when he didn’t see Draco on the map. He checked the Slytherin rooms but his name wasn’t there. His eyebrows furrowed deeply trying to discern where the Slytherin could be. Could he have left Hogwarts?

Harry shook his head. “No,” he whispered to himself. _He wouldn’t do that._

Harry then remembered what Draco last told him, to search for him even when he can’t be searched. What did he really mean by that?

Harry’s eyes widened as he reached to a realization. His hands started to tremble aggressively that he had to put the map down to prevent himself from tearing it. Harry looked over at Ron, sleeping peacefully, and his roommates, probably dreaming about not-so-good memories but at least they were _healing_. At least they were _healing_ , at least they were trying to survive.

The map only shows the names of the _living_.

Harry gritted his teeth and made a run toward the door to search for Draco.

 _The map is broken._ Harry concluded. _It had to be._

Harry looked everywhere. He didn’t care if someone saw him. He had to find Draco.

Harry continued to run. He didn’t even care when he almost knocked off one of the paintings that scratched his arm making it bleed. He didn’t care when his legs felt numb, this even made him run faster. He did stop when he tripped and landed on his knee. He hissed and stood up… but fell back on the floor as soon as he did. He wiped away the tears he never realized had formed. He clenched his hands and felt useless for not being able to do anything.

All his despair was forgotten when he felt the wall change. He looked at the wall as it made crushing-like sounds. Lines and carves suddenly appeared and the once light wall turned into a dark door. _The room of requirements._

_The room of requirements only appear when someone has a very great need of it._

Harry breathed in deeply when the door opened. He slowly stepped into the room, afraid of making a sound. He almost flinched when he felt the door close behind him. The room was very dark he couldn’t see anything. He wanted to cast _lumos_ with his wand but the room instantly lighted up.

Harry spotted a pale figure lying on the ground. What caught his eye was the blood gushing out of the man’s wrist. Harry knew who it was. With wavering hands, he reached out to the blond and took him in his arms, covering his whole body and shielding him from anything that might harm him.

Harry slowly took the bleeding wrist, His breath heavy and loud as he forced himself not to sob by biting his lip.

“Harry”

He heard Draco say, almost inaudibly.

Draco opened his eyes as tears poured down. “You found me.” He made a hopeful yet very hopeless smile at the same time.

Harry kissed his tears away carefully. His whole body was shivering. He was afraid that any moment now, Draco might _break_. “Yes, I found you. I’ll take you to the hospital wing now,” he whispered.

“I wasn’t able to do it.”

Harry, as he was about to lift Draco up, furrowed his eyebrows in bewilderment. When his eye landed on the bloody knife, flashes of Draco’s dead body entered his mind. _Draco stabbing his beating heart with a knife- Draco cutting his wrists- Draco banging his head on the wall- Draco-_

Draco suddenly screeched as he flailed his feet but threw his arms around Harry’s neck as he held onto him desperately. New trails of tears doused his cheeks, as he pushed himself further into Harry, wanting to be closer to him.

Harry immediately pulled Draco into his lap and whispered reassuring words. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s fine. You’re all right.”

“No, it’s not!” Draco’s voice was hoarse from all the screaming. “How can you say it’s fine when it’s not?!” He was wailing, and Harry didn’t know what to do but to hold him and to listen. “If I had just made the right choices! If I wasn’t blind to my father’s prejudiced thinking! If I had acted from the start, everything might turn out differently! If-If I didn’t agree to kill Dumbledore, if I had warned him, if I had told him, if I have sided with him!! If only I did, then no one would have to die! Everyday, inside my head they scream at me telling me it’s all my fault that they died. That I didn’t do anything. That I was too much of a coward to act… Harry, I should have died with them! How can I be living like this if I was supposed to die?!”

“No, that’s not true!” Harry wanted to speak further but Draco interrupted him.

“I wanted to kill myself, I wanted to feel the pain! For not being enough. I wanted to crush my own heart because I deserve it! I was a coward! I was very selfish and I only think of myself…” Draco stopped as his breathing turned spasmodic. “I-I-I was so afraid that these days I was living happily… Every night, they torture me. They prevent me from sleeping through those damned nightmares and that was why I decided to go somewhere every night. Only the pain from scratching the mark can ease me with the nightmares. Only the pain can make the whispers go away and I thought maybe… maybe I was doing the right thing… But then one day you came and you never left. Each night that caused me nothing but pain and dread turned out to be peaceful as I started to think of you… I was anticipating you every night… that you’d come… that you’d save me from the frightening world… But I realized that I wasn’t supposed to be happy. My heart wasn’t supposed to flutter in excitement whenever I see you heading toward me! It was supposed to be crushed and feel pain!!... So… I wanted it to end… I wanted this whole selfishness to end… but I wasn’t able to do it.”

Draco had stopped. By the end of his narrative, Harry realized he had been crying with him.

“I wasn’t able to do it! I–“ But Harry had already pulled him back and crashed their lips together. The kiss is not anywhere gentle this time. Its level of aggressiveness had matched with Draco’s fear and Harry’s desperation that Draco would see what he deserved and its not what he thinks it is. Draco cried into the kiss. Both his hands shook as he latched them onto Harry’s hair further deepening the kiss.

Harry pulled back but his lips remained pressed to Draco’s and he said, “Thank you,” He kissed him. “For not being able to do it.” He kissed him again. “Thank you for not leaving.” And again. “Thank you for staying with me.” And again.

“It’s your fault. Why did you have to come? Why did you have to tell me that you love me? Why did I want to say I love you back? Why did I–“

“Shhh” Harry kissed him again. “It’s not your fault, Draco, it’s not.”

“But–“

“Everyone had their part in the war, and you did yours. It’s not your fault you didn’t have a choice. It’s not your fault you didn’t do things differently when you were still a kid. Who else were you supposed to follow if not your parents? What matters is what you think right now and what part you choose to act on. Tell me, did you really want to follow Vol- the Dark Lord?”

Draco shook his head. “No.”

Harry smiled and buried his nose in the crook of Draco’s neck as Draco rested his head on Harry’s shoulder. “Then how can you say you didn’t deserve to live when you wanted no one to die?”

“It’s because I acted wrong. My actions could have saved them. If I could have–“

“You didn’t act wrong. You did what you thought was right to protect you and your family. Your _mother_.”

Draco gasped upon remembering his mother. He squeezed his eyes shut as he held on. “Harry…” He let his tears fall again, it never really stopped.

Draco felt glad… and disgusted that he allowed himself to feel positively. But right now, he felt as if it was all right to believe in Harry. Maybe it was all right to allow himself to feel contented and secured as Harry’s arms encircle his delicate and lithe form. Maybe it was all right to let Harry block all the harsh treatment that the world and his own mind were giving him. Maybe it was all right… Maybe… Maybe.

With Harry by his side, nothing seemed impossible.

**Author's Note:**

> So, how was it? I hope you liked it!  
> I actually read this thrice but I'm not sure if that's enough so I'm sorry if you saw some mistakes....  
> I can try to edit this work again some time if there's still mistakes...  
> I'm open to criticisms but please slow down because I'm sensitive heheheh
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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